Wilfrid Stinissen
Every person has the duty and responsibility to discern what is God's will in their life. However, most of us need help with this. The greater the harmony between the spiritual guide (confessor) and the Holy Spirit, who is the inner helper of the one being guided, the more sensitive antennas the confessor has at their disposal to capture the signals of the Holy Spirit, and the better fruits their guidance can bear for the one being led.
How do we gain the ability to discern?
Those who are accustomed to opening themselves in prayer to the Holy Spirit can easily discern whether the penitent's words, thoughts, and desires resonate with their person. A spiritual guide who does not pray is often uninterested in what the Holy Spirit says, whether to them or to those for whom they care. Such a spiritual guide usually has a stock of opinions and principles that they apply uniformly to all their charges.
As spiritual guides, we should also engage in lectio divina, that is, reading the Bible slowly, in an atmosphere of prayer, with an open spirit receptive to what God wants to say to them personally through the words of Scripture. Because the word is inspired by God, we can thus gain a deep connection with the Holy Spirit. We can become “dioratikoi,” those who are able to see both the Word and their neighbor.
However, it is not enough to simply pray and read the Bible. It is also necessary to have knowledge of the rich spiritual tradition of the Church. A spiritual guide must understand that there are various ways and methods of praying and living a Christian life. Perhaps the spiritual guide has learned a certain meditation method, but if they do not know more about prayer, they can hardly help anyone else. The Church has an immense spiritual experience. To not embrace it is a true crime against our charges.
In our time, many people are drawn to simple, quiet prayer. People either cannot or do not wish to reflect deeply on biblical texts. They want to turn off all thoughts and words and wish only to “be” before God in an atmosphere that John of the Cross calls “atención amorosa” (loving attention). If the spiritual guide immediately labels these efforts as comfort-seeking or quietism, they risk blocking the spiritual growth of the one being guided.
Others may seek contact with Eastern meditative methods and learn to meditate using a mantra. The fact that so many people today turn to Eastern techniques of prayer is a sign of the Church's inability to convey its rich tradition of mysticism. If more priests were familiar with Christian mysticism, the temptation to turn elsewhere would be far less. However, if these individuals have already sought and found something with Eastern teachers, for example, learning to use a “mantra” (sacred phrase), we should have enough knowledge of our own Christian tradition of prayer to show them that they do not have to seek knowledge so far away, that they can also find it among us, that many saints prayed in such ways, including Jesus himself. The evangelists Matthew (Mt 26:44) and Mark (Mk 14:39) document that Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane by repeating the same words: “Father, may your will be done.” The Apostle Paul writes that the Holy Spirit continually repeats in us: “Abba! Father!” (Gal 4:6). St. Francis prayed all night with just these words: “Dio mio e mio tutto” (My God and my everything).
If the spiritual guide knows nothing of this, and has never even heard of Jesus' prayer, they can easily cause confusion in the soul of the person who came to them for advice. They may also create the impression that Christian spirituality is superficial, dealing only with thoughts and words, lacking sensitivity to the mystery, and thus not being open to apophatic methods of prayer, that is, those in which we simply immerse ourselves in silence before the unspeakable.
A great helper is to go through the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius. However, one who knows only this text risks treating it as if it were self-saving. There are many other legitimate and authentic paths. The spiritual guide must know something about them; otherwise, they rather restrict the freedom of their penitents instead of encouraging it, thus causing a fatal reduction.
Because every person is unique, we can distinguish between different types of personality. The Christian tradition has created, thanks to charismatically gifted individuals, several types of spirituality suitable for various personality types. The true personality of each individual corresponds to the path to which they are called on their spiritual journey. A spiritual guide should not thoughtlessly assume that they perfectly understand the personality type of the one being guided, but if they have sufficient knowledge, they can point to different paths, thus also helping their penitent to try out which of these paths they feel most “at home” with.
Superficial and deep layers of the inner self
From what level of their inner self does the penitent speak? If they have read something from spiritual literature, it may be that they speak based on their intellectual knowledge. They know everything, but their understanding remains in their head and has no connection to reality. Some speak beautifully and spiritually, but their lives do not correspond with their words. An inexperienced spiritual guide may find it difficult to discern this. A penitent can express themselves captivatingly and also reveal profound views. However, this is not wrong in itself, but it does not guarantee that their speech is inspired by the Holy Spirit. Here we can recall the three criteria of Teresa of Avila regarding true prayer, which will help us determine whether the penitent is genuinely seeking God: love for neighbor, independence from things, and humility. The penitent's attitude toward these matters can be discerned by the spiritual guide through a few simple questions. The decisive factor, as always, is the attitude, the “mind”.
Is the penitent speaking from the level of their superficial desires or from the depths, from the “heart”? Do they have a genuine desire for God, or is their “spiritual life” merely a heightened form of self-actualization? Are their efforts toward holiness rooted in pride and ambition, or are they the work of the Holy Spirit? Do they meditate to calm down and relax from the rush, or to approach God? Do they wish to adorn their “facade,” or are they willing to die so that Christ may live?
“What do you really want? What do you desire in the depths of your heart?” the spiritual guide should ask repeatedly. They can do so directly or indirectly, depending on the circumstances. These questions can lead the penitent to realize what is truly worthy of their desire. “The desire for God is engraved in the human heart, for man is created by God and in the image of God” (Catechism of the Catholic Church). Superficial desires obscure and block this innate longing, and by confronting the penitent with the question of what they truly desire in the depths of their heart, the spiritual guide can help them break through this blockage. Those with sensitive consciences can recognize the superficiality and vanity of their desires on their own.
False and true feelings of guilt
The spiritual guide must be able to distinguish between false and true feelings of guilt. False feelings are not based on true guilt. Their foundation may be that the penitent had, for example, an overly strict and demanding mother: they were never good enough for her, always falling short. Or they may have unwittingly made a mistake that had serious consequences for themselves or others. To demand God's forgiveness in such cases would be completely erroneous. Here it is more a matter of helping the penitent to gain more clarity, to see that their feelings of guilt are unfounded and illusory.
This requires great patience. False feelings of guilt can be deeply rooted, so it would be unwise to immediately assert that they are not real. The spiritual guide may begin with an attitude like this: “Even though you feel guilty and blame yourself, God's love is infinitely greater than anything else. Therefore, turn your gaze toward God, not toward your own feelings.” When the penitent heeds this advice and truly focuses on God, they will eventually realize that their feelings of guilt are insignificant and unconstructive.
If feelings of guilt are, on the other hand, the result of actual guilt, we must not trivialize them. The comfort we provide must not lie in diminishing sin but in emphasizing the greatness of God's forgiveness. At the same time, it is our task to guide the feeling of guilt into the right channels and allow it to develop into true contrition. Often, feelings of guilt are more a reflection of wounded vanity than of true love. The person is disappointed with themselves for not having been as capable, “gentle,” or virtuous as they would have liked. “I regret my sin” often means: “I am sorry that I am not as good as I thought.” Such self-centered remorse has nothing to do with a “broken spirit”.
In true Christian contrition, we stand humbly and crushed before God because we have not reciprocated His love or have responded with ingratitude. We have wounded love, but we also rely on God's boundless mercy. True contrition goes hand in hand with the ability to accept God's forgiveness, and therefore always includes satisfaction. Those who cannot believe in God's forgiveness are blocked within themselves. In contrast, a humble person knows that their weakness, when admitted and regretted, is an open gateway to God. To regret something is not to bitterly mourn one's fate. Contrition is a positive force that encompasses a desire for repair and trustful surrender to God. The spiritual guide must first experience all of this in their own life if they are to help others come to this understanding. Self-centered regret only increases self-love and makes sin even greater. Genuine repentance, on the other hand, increases love for God, allowing sin to abundantly reveal grace (cf. Rom 5:20). “In every sin, there is a corresponding measure of blessing, for God is love,” writes Julian of Norwich.
Translated by Prof. Dagmar Chvojková
