A. Sagardoy, OCD
Dear Sister Prudence!
Do you still remember your time in the novitiate, the prayer hours that seemed too short to you, the times when you felt your devotion so clearly? Back then, you wouldn't have thought that one could one day have problems with meditation.
Today, however, you are asking if it makes any sense to meditate for half an hour every day… because you write, after a minute my thoughts are completely gone!
I have often heard about this issue, which has become fatal for many. Where do these problems with meditation spring from? The more conversations I have with the sisters, the more clearly I see that some have received too one-sided instruction on meditation.
Meditation, dear sister, as it is rooted in monastic structures, is a form of prayer that takes place in silence and contemplation. Many people manage with the mechanism of meditation very easily and can remain focused for this half hour, while others become distracted very quickly.
I hope I'm not being too theoretical with my explanation, but it is good to state some points:
Meditation as a form of prayer is not an exercise in concentration, but rather a journey – in an atmosphere of silence and contemplation – to meet with God.
Meditation as a form of prayer, I repeat, so you do not misunderstand, was explained to us from the perspective of discursive thinking. Do you still remember the points of meditation that we received, so that we could then emerge from this mystery and meditate for half an hour?
Here could be the core of your problem: meditation as prayer does not suit you, but rather the mechanism of meditation, the discursive method. There are people who are more discursively inclined by nature, and there are people who are more non-discursively inclined.
Forgive me the question, but do you understand what it means to be discursive? The word comes from Latin and means to diverge, to develop from a common point.
May I give you a simple guideline on how to recognize what kind of disposition we have been given?
A discursively oriented person uses questions in their thoughts during meditation: who, how, what, why, for what… and thus finds it easier to enter into meditative prayer. On the other hand, a non-discursively oriented person finds themselves at the end of their thoughts after a few minutes and remains stuck without knowing what to do with the remaining time of meditation.
Does the second variant seem familiar to you? Then you might assume that you belong more to the non-discursive disposition, and these people need a different mechanism that serves them during the time of meditation for an intensive encounter with God. As I write this, I think you may misunderstand the word meditation. I mean the method we use as support, as a tool.
Now let’s turn to your situation. For people who cannot concentrate during meditation, that is, for those who cannot manage with the discursive method, we have a wonderful example in Teresa of Avila. Do not be alarmed when I tell you now that the great mystic Teresa of Avila had great difficulties with the discursive method. If you doubt that, read her autobiography! Some days she longed for the time of meditation to finally be over… I hope you haven't flushed with embarrassment and are quietly saying that you also anxiously glance at the clock every three minutes to see if it’s time yet!
If you are similar to Teresa – I mean this positively now – let us ask how Teresa entered into meditation: Because prayer in Teresa's language is a friendly meeting, she sought ways to meet with the Lord. Some days nature or water helped her to enter into contact with the Lord; very often she took a religious book in her hand and read from it.
I have a feeling you are a visual type. May I encourage you? An image, a photograph can also support us during meditation. Teresa also talks about other options, such as slow, almost munching recitation of a well-known prayer or recalling the previous day. As you can see, these are small tools we can engage with based on our current state to connect and meet with God. I can imagine that you could try this for a while. If you do this for some time, dear sister, when you manage to achieve more concentration and more religious exercises, then…, yes, then I invite you to consider the sentence of Saint Teresa: Prayer is not in much thinking, but in much loving!
Methods, exercises, and reflections before or during meditation are tools to show God our devotion and willingness. Neither does the one who perfectly executes the exercise of concentration, nor does the one who composes noble reflections during meditation pray perfectly based on that, but whoever, through reflection, concentration, silence, or other steps, arrives at the point of allowing themselves to be loved by God and showing God their love, moves forward. Perhaps, dear sister, you will manage to see the meditation prescribed in your monastery with different eyes. We have the opportunity to meet with God as You and You, in an atmosphere of silence, free from activity and busyness.
With friendly greetings, P. Antonio Sagardoy
According to: Antonio Sagardoy, OCD: Wer kann meditieren?
Christian Interiority, 26, pp. 302–305, 1991
Translated by Dr. Vojtěch Pola
