“My great joy is the hope that one day everything will be clear.”
There are people whose lives have been burdened with suffering and hardship of various kinds since early childhood, and who stumble through life in adulthood from one blind alley to another. When we meet them, we anxiously wonder: how will they go on? Even greater anxiety and worry arises naturally when we find ourselves in a life crisis and reach a point where our own life seems like a dead end or a vicious circle, caused by uncontrollable external circumstances, various “accidents,” the interventions of others, and our own mistaken decisions, and despite our best will and effort, we see no way out.
Edith Stein's life was not easy either, and it did not develop straightforwardly. As the darling of a large Jewish family in Wroclaw, she was indeed a cherished child, but with her sensitivity and above-average intelligence, she perceived much more acutely than other children what was happening around her, and she suffered greatly from what she heard and saw, which somehow conflicted with her inner self. This was reflected in the depth of the crisis she experienced in puberty, which ultimately led to a definitive (as she believed at the time) break with her faith and religious life.
Even as a student, Edith did not have it easy. In her existential quest for truth, she could not avoid various disappointments. The study of psychology, which she began with enthusiasm and great hopes, did not fulfill these hopes. When she discovered Husserl's phenomenology and transferred to the University of Göttingen, new horizons suddenly opened for her. But again, it did not remain hidden for long that her hunger for absolute truth would not be sufficiently quenched even here. The enthusiastic philosophy student soon encountered her limits (as well as those of her new field) to such an extent that she fell into a deep depression and at one point during this period toyed with the idea of suicide. To make matters worse, in terms of interpersonal relationships, an unhappy love added to her struggles.
Even after successfully completing her studies, she was not spared disappointments. This time in the professional sphere: despite her extraordinary talent and excellent final exams, as a woman, she was still denied professional recognition. Several attempts at habilitation failed solely because she was a woman. Even her collaboration with Husserl, for whom she became a personal assistant, turned out to be so problematic that after a long and fruitless struggle, Edith saw no other solution but to leave her teacher, whom she greatly respected.
In the summer of 1921, after reading the Book of Life by St. Teresa of Avila, Edith Stein decided to request baptism in the Catholic Church. This step meant for her finding an answer to her long search for the meaning of life, but it did not make her life easier. What deeply blessed and fulfilled her – what she herself referred to as “finding the truth” – simultaneously opened an unbridgeable chasm between her and her mother, who was deeply rooted in the Jewish faith and whom Edith loved very much.
Regarding employment, “new doors” opened for her: she first worked as a teacher at the girls' gymnasium of the Dominican Sisters of St. Magdalene in Speyer, later becoming a sought-after lecturer and associate at the German Institute for Scientific Pedagogy in Münster. However, fulfilling her deepest life wish (after her conversion to Christianity) had to be postponed for years. Concerns for her mother and her spiritual director's doubts about the appropriateness of that life step prompted this convert to renounce – at least temporarily – entering a convent.
Paradoxically, it was only the consequences of the anti-Jewish legislation of the Third Reich, which made any professional activity impossible for her, that opened the door to the Cologne Carmel. Despite her personal happiness in finding her place in life and in the Church, in discovering her vocation, which was undoubtedly a special participation in Christ's cross (as reflected in her religious name Teresa Benedicta of the Cross), Edith, who had no illusions about the aims of National Socialism, suffered immensely from the hateful persecution and systematic “liquidation” of her people. Ultimately, the fate of so many members of her people also became her own.
The life of Edith Stein in no way transpired peacefully and harmoniously, without breaks, crises, and disappointed hopes. From a “merely” human perspective, it did not end triumphantly either. She was unable to escape the occupied Netherlands in time and died “prematurely” in a Nazi gas chamber. In various crisis situations, she certainly repeatedly asked herself why her life was unfolding this way and not otherwise. As a Carmelite, looking back on so many things that crossed her life plans and wishes, she wrote in one of her letters:
“Sometimes we think we understand our own history. However, what seems clear to us in it is always just a superficial reflection of what remains a mystery of God until the day when everything will be revealed. My great joy is the hope that one day everything will be clear. May faith in the hidden meaning of history strengthen us whenever what we see externally (whether in ourselves or in others) would want to take away all courage from us.”
(From a letter to Sister Maria Ernst, 16 May 1941)
According to the article by Sister Elisabeth Peeters, OCD, “Living Spiritually According to Edith Stein”
in the magazine Carmel-Impulse, 1/1999, processed by: P. Norbert Žuška, O.Carm.
