Aversion to Writing
There are times when the divine touch "does not arrive", when one feels abandoned and inwardly empty, as if their throat is constricted. Spiritual life for many people – and also for Marie Petyt – is not a balanced, pleasantly tempered communication with someone we already know well and have "read". It is not possible for a person to remain with God continuously and for God to be with them in a harmonious and balanced way. Such a dynamic is not even found between people who live together.
Often, we do not even understand why sometimes encounters with another person happen almost as if by themselves and at other times require considerable effort. Even when we try to live very thoughtfully and consciously, we understand only a small percentage of what occurs in our relationships. Marie had the painful experience that in her relationship with God, she could not regain what she so bitterly missed through willpower. Without Marie and Michael knowing exactly what was happening and why this aversion to writing arose, Marie nevertheless endured those periods of darkness more easily when she informed her spiritual leader about them:
Then again, several days passed without me being able to write anything, as the previously mentioned struggle and resistance returned, and I was no longer myself. However, when I tried to force myself violently, I became even more confused, and my mind grew darker still. I cannot explain the state of my soul.
But now, within me, a sweet inclination to writing is slowly awakening again. Moreover, I perceive some light inside, which reminds me of a few things and partially enlightens my understanding, so I can comprehend and grasp. These rays are very weak, however, and reveal the truth only from afar, often even obscured by clouds that seem to drift around.
(1) Michael of St. Augustine, her spiritual leader.
Excerpted from the book: Grundkurs Spiritualität des Karmel
Editor: Michael Plattig and Elisabeth Hense, 2006
Translated and adapted by: Norbert Žuška, OCarm.
