As if a strong healing spring was drilled in my interior
Marie has the task of writing without self-censoring what she has written; she must unabashedly write everything she experiences in her spiritual life. She succeeds in this when she has God, the Mother of God, or angels "before her eyes"; however, it becomes difficult when she worries that foolish and narrow-minded people might read her letters:
While I was writing, I thought that to those who will read this, I might seem insane for praising myself like this. Someone might think I'm doing this because I want to mean something or out of unbearable self-importance. That's why I hesitated to continue, but inside I heard: continue with complete simplicity and honesty, allow me to take care of what you write.
Marie is aware that her writings may be misunderstood by those uninitiated. A narrow-minded perspective and inexperience with spiritual accompaniment may misinterpret her words. Out of fear of misunderstanding, she considers the possibility of stopping her writing. However, the good experience she gained while writing has outweighed her fears and anxieties. While writing, Marie feels an intense connection with God, the Mother of God, or angels, and this connection "draws out" words from her interior. She experiences her autobiographical writing as a time of divine inspiration and divine sharing. During the writing, God Himself leads her deeper into the life of the Spirit:
I feel quite clearly that someone is helping me, but I do not know who it is, whether it is the Beloved or the dear Mother or the dear Father or the holy angels. Hour after hour, sentence by sentence, in great simplicity and mental quiet, it is dictated to me from within. The content is developed only as it is truly necessary for the sentence, for its own content, and for the time of writing, and not more. I remember only as much as the pencil can write on paper and as much as time allows, without it being more or going further than necessary – as I said. Before or after, I do not think about it; so I start with such an empty heart that most of the time I do not know what to write. I take the pencil in my hand and look at God with love; then gradually memories come to me of what happened many years ago and that I had not thought of during those years.
Autobiographical writing has become a beneficial "hygiene of the spirit" for Marie, strengthening her on her spiritual journey. As if a strong spring was drilled in her interior, which has healing effects for her.
Excerpted from the book: Grundkurs Spiritualität des Karmel
Editor: Michael Plattig and Elisabeth Hense, 2006
Translated and edited by: Norbert Žuška, OCarm.
