I cannot define the state of my soul: one day of darkness and distraction, although my will wants to love our Lord, and the fact that I do not love Him and cannot see Him causes me great pain. I am then unable to hold back my tears, for I call out to my Jesus with true anguish. The next day, on the contrary, I may be able to gather myself in faith, but I feel nothing; I can only contemplate. Into this darkness, a little light enters, which increases my suffering. I perceive my misery and instability; I hate myself and it seems to me that no one loves me, which causes me suffering, because I find neither peace nor comfort with God nor with people. I see immense Divine love and feel incapable of loving Him. …
Pray for your sinner. And when Jesus dies in your hands in His holy Sacrifice, ask Him that I too may die to people and to myself, so that He may live in me.
(St. Teresa of Los Andes, letter to Father Blanch, November 1919)
