I found myself in impenetrable darkness, not knowing where to look for a ray of light. I thought that I was to blame for everything and that I deserved nothing else, and so I kept repeating: Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me! In this tormenting state, which I cannot even adequately describe, I had no one to lean on. I could no longer find God, the light of faith was also taken from me, hope and perceivable love were gone. All those darkness and temptations were accompanied by the fear that due to my inadequacy and smallness, I would witness the dissolution of the congregation. To that, I said: Lord, I can do nothing on my own. But even if I could, I would not want to, for I long for nothing else than for your will to be done in me, above me, around me... fiat. If the congregation is to continue through my efforts, hurry to help me, fiat. And if I am to leave my work and come to You, fearing that it will vanish along with my life, fiat. If You wish me to live a little longer and helplessly watch as what I built and achieved collapses... fiat. Yes, my God! I will keep repeating, let Your will be done... fiat. ... If possible, remove this cup from us.
(Marie Therese Scrilli /1825–1889/, excerpt from the autobiography)
