I was distancing myself, I was distancing myself from you, my Lord, more and more, and my life..., my life was starting to feel like death..., and yet you protected me even in this state of death... You made me feel deep sorrow, painful emptiness, a sadness I had never felt before... It returned to me every evening when I was alone in my apartment..., leaving me mute and crushed during the so-called holidays... You gave me that vague unease of a guilty conscience, which, although it slept, had not yet died. I had never felt such sadness, such pain, such restlessness as back then. My God, that was a gift from you... I had no idea...! How good you are! How you protected me! How you brought me back under your wings at a time when I didn't even believe you existed!
(Charles de Foucauld /1858–1916/, La Dernière Place)
