Teresa of Ávila (1515–1582)
Now we begin, with the help of the Holy Spirit, to speak about the sixth mansions, in which the soul, already wounded by the love of her Bridegroom, seeks solitude much more diligently, and as much as she is allowed, flees from everything that might distract her... but I must tell you, daughters, that there are no lesser trials that come upon her from now on, so she needs the assurances that she experiences in order to endure it. I think it will be useful if I describe some of the torments that are experienced during this time and that I know very well...
Let us start with the torment when we encounter a frightened and inexperienced confessor who has no certainty in anything. If he sees extraordinary things, he is afraid of everything, doubts everything, and condemns everything as the work of the devil or as a result of melancholy, especially when he discovers some imperfection in such a gifted soul (as if those to whom God grants such graces must be angels, which is absolutely impossible as long as we are in the body)... Poor soul, tossed about by such fears, turns to the confessor... and he condemns her; then she falls into anxiety and is seized by restlessness.
Another torment for such souls – especially if they have been imperfect – are the thoughts that God allows such deception as punishment for their sins. Surely, when they receive such graces, they are truly certain of it and cannot doubt that they do not come from the Spirit of God; however, since these manifestations of favor quickly fade, while the memory of sin lasts, their torment soon begins anew, especially when they find imperfections within themselves, which are never lacking. When the confessor assures them, they calm down; but if he instills fear in them, their torment becomes unbearable, especially if the soul finds herself in that dryness, in which it seems to her that she has never thought of God and will never think of Him in the future...
What is the poor soul to do if her condition drags on for days? When she prays, she feels as if she is not praying (I say this for her comfort), for not only does she not understand the meaning of prayer, but she does not even know what she is saying, even though she is praying vocally. There is no thought of internal prayer at all: her faculties are not at all willing to do it. But the solitude harms her even more, despite the fact that she cannot bear company or someone speaking to her. And so, although she overcomes it in various ways, she cannot hide a certain boredom and disgust on the outside, which cannot be overlooked.
There is no remedy against this storm. One must wait for God's mercy, which suddenly takes away all anxiety with a single word or any random event, when one least expects it. Then the soul experiences a flood of joy and is so full of light that it seems to her as though she has never been in darkness. She feels like a soldier who has emerged victorious from a terrible battle and thanks the Lord for fighting for her and helping her to win. She herself is deeply convinced that she did not fight, for it seems to her that all the weapons with which she could defend herself are in the hands of the enemies...
It concerns unspeakable things, torments and spiritual anxieties that cannot be defined. The best remedy, not to remove them – for such a remedy does not exist – but only to make them somewhat bearable, is to engage in acts of love or other external matters and to trust in God's mercy, which never fails those who rely on Him. – May He always be praised! Amen.
(The Castle of the Interior, 6th Mansions)
