Teresa Benedicta of the Cross (Edith Stein)
Often, we think we understand our own history. However, what seems clear to us is always just a fleeting reflection of what remains a mystery of God until the day when everything will be revealed. My great joy is the hope that one day everything will be clear.
Faith in the hidden meaning of history must also always strengthen us when what we can see directly (whether in ourselves or others) seems to take away all courage.
Today's young generation has gone through so many crises that it can no longer understand us. However, we must make the effort to understand them and then perhaps we can still help them a little.
I have always found the idea that God's mercy is limited to the visible boundaries of the Church very remote. God is truth. Whoever seeks truth, seeks God, whether they realize it or not.
I have felt the guidance of God's grace particularly strongly in the last few weeks. I think I see my task more clearly and distinctly. However, this also means that I see my complete inadequacy more profoundly, but at the same time, I also see the possibility of being an instrument in God's hands despite this inadequacy.
A person can only strive to live the life they have chosen ever more faithfully and purely, thus offering it as a pleasing sacrifice to God for all those with whom they are connected. The trust that people place in us, and the almost terrifyingly high opinion that so many "from the world" have of our life, are constantly a new challenge and motivation for us.
Only the trust that something of our peace and silence flows outward into the surrounding world and helps those who are still wandering helps me come to terms with the awareness that I have been called to this wonderful solitude preferentially – before so many people who would be more worthy of it. You cannot imagine how deeply I am embarrassed each time someone speaks of our "life of sacrifice." I led a life of sacrifice when I still lived in the world. Now, almost all burdens have been lifted from me, and I have in fullness everything that I previously lacked. However, we have sisters among us from whom great sacrifices are required every day. And naturally, I expect that one day I will also feel more of my calling to the cross than now, when God is dealing with me again as a child.
I would not want to sadden you, but I must tell you that something in your last letter, as has happened several times in the past, has unpleasantly touched me: the emphasis on the supposedly enormous distance between you and me. I would feel like a Pharisee if I were to silently overlook these statements, for I cannot find objective reasons for them. You are certainly not the only one to whom our grid instills sacred fear. But this grid does not mean that everything out there – "in the world" – is bad and that here everything is perfect. We know how much human wretchedness still hides under the habit, and that is why we are greatly embarrassed when we are somehow flattered.
Excerpted from the book: Edith Stein, Thoughts and Meditations
Published by: Trinitas, 2000
Selected and edited by: Norbert Žuška, OCarm.
