Fr. Gorazd Cetkovský, O.Carm.
The so-called definition of prayer by Teresa
For Saint Teresa, inner prayer is: an encounter with God as with a friend, as she wrote in perhaps the most frequently cited paragraph of The Book of Life (8,5):
Inner prayer is, in my opinion, nothing other than friendly contact, frequent dwelling in solitude with the one whom we know loves us.
The new German translation1 intentionally deviates from the traditional translation. Its authors explain in a footnote: for Teresa’s way of praying, it is important that prayer is something unforced, unmerited, and selfless. It does not have to be a “conversation,” but simply an encounter – without many words. So this intentionally slightly different translation, which aims to be faithful to the original while also encompassing the mentioned nuances, reads: “Inner prayer is, in my opinion, nothing other than lingering with a friend, with whom we often meet alone, simply to be with him, because we can be sure that he loves us.”
For us, it suffices to emphasize: Teresa here compared the relationship with God to friendship. And she understood prayer as the meeting of two friends.2 Let us take a closer look at the context in which she wrote this. In these sentences, she refers back to her previous lines. There she spontaneously called God a friend. And because she immediately felt she should explain this further, she adds the words we have already quoted. So what are the sentences immediately preceding this?
And whoever has not yet started with inner prayer, I beg him for the love of the Lord not to let such a great good escape. There is nothing to fear here, but something to desire! For even if (that person) is not advanced (in inner prayer), he will easily gain knowledge regarding the path to heaven; and if he perseveres, then I trust in God’s mercy that (namely) no one has chosen God as a friend in vain.3
Journey into Czech in the time of Saint Teresa
Historian Petr Maťa recently published a comprehensive book: The World of Czech Aristocracy (1500–1700).4 Among other things, it contains an interesting chapter about the then significance of the Czech word friend, friends. In the thinking of the contemporaries of Saint Teresa, this word had many meanings. And the determining factor for distinguishing which of them is referred to were the adjectives that stood by the word friend.
Blood friend or natural friend meant: blood relative. Kindred friend was a non-blood relative, related by marriage. The designation close friend meant a close relative. Thus, it was not about expressing how close the individuals were in their thinking, nor how strong the affection that united them! A friend in our sense was called true friend or faithful friend. The opposite is unfaithful, false, deceitful friend.
Contemporary thinkers thoroughly philosophized about friendship. According to them, true friendship includes:
- trust (I can trust the other completely as I would myself), "unity of mind,”
- freedom and openness in mutual contact connected with it,
- selflessness: the willingness to help a friend, sacrificing one’s own benefit for that,
- steadfastness: which, however, is proven only by experience – in difficult times.
The common word friend consequently had the effect that for the person of the time there was not such a great semantic distance between kinship and friendship as is present in our thinking.
The root of the words friend and friendship is the verb to wish (good). A friend is simply “a wishing (person)”. The reason for this wishingness is in the relative the kinship bond, in a friend (in our sense) the cause is friendly goodwill. Consequently, this should mean that every relative should be wishing. However, experience often shows that a friend tends to wish more intensely than relatives.
Friendship thus referred to in the world of Czech aristocracy in the 16th and 17th centuries to all types of positive relationships, presupposing mutual help and support. It was only the romantic period that distinguished friendship from kinship bonds and began to understand friendship as we do today.
Friendship in the Life of Saint Teresa
Teresa spoke and wrote in her native language – Spanish. The Spanish word amistad is – just like the Latin word amititia – derived from friendly love (amor) and from the verb “to love” with such love (amare). The mentioned new translation of Teresa's writings into German contains in the attached glossary of basic Teresa concepts also an entry for friendship and basic information about it.
Friendship (amistad) was a characteristic feature of Teresa's personality. Faith for Teresa was friendship; she also uses the term “unique friendship” (particular amistad; 7,1). Many of her relationships with other people had the form and intensity of friendship.
Moreover, Teresa used the concept of friendship to express other kinds of her affection. She writes about herself that she was in childhood “a friend of books”, that she is “a friend of images” (9,6), “a friend of scholars” (13,18). Thus, the expression: friend of someone/something appears more frequently in her expression, and she did not use it only about herself but also about other people.
Since friendship was Teresa's charism, it does not surprise us that she also defines inner prayer as friendly contact with God (or Jesus). This analogy can yield valuable insights. On the one hand, it is immediately clear that inner prayer is about a personal relationship with God. God is “you” in relation to “me” for each of us who pray to Him. And on the other hand, it follows that it is not enough to allocate a certain time for prayer because true friendship lasts through everything we do. Continuously.
In every good friendship, a person continuously adapts and resembles their friend more and more. Friendship shapes us. And likewise, in the relationship with God, a person continuously adapts and resembles their Friend – God. And the more Teresa delved into her friendship with God, the more God became the center of her friendships with people as well. We will notice all of this more closely.
The so-called “particular friendship” (friendship in which friends separate themselves from others and shut them out) is not true friendship. Teresa explained this thoroughly in her work The Way of Perfection. We will only adhere to Teresa’s work The Book of Life. (All numerical references in the article text relate to this Teresa's book unless explicitly stated otherwise.)
Teresa's Friendship with People
Teresa cultivated many beautiful friendships throughout her life. Already when recounting her childhood and youth, she mentions multiple times that she was liked by others. About the Augustinian sisters in the convent where she was placed for upbringing during her adolescence, she later wrote:
All of them were inclined towards me, for the Lord gave me grace to evoke sympathy wherever I went, and thus I was very loved.
Even later in her adulthood, friendship was her charism. It suffices to mention, for example, her friendship with Sister Maria from St. Joseph (Salazar) or with Jerónimo Gracián. The sisters in the Incarnation convent, with whom she got along, she calls friends (see chapters 35 and 36).
She also mentions the experience that some of her friendships were to her detriment because frequent visits from guests in the convent and her long conversations with them hindered her from devoting herself sufficiently to prayer (7,6). When she explains that in the initial phase of her religious life she oscillated for a long time between the effort for fidelity to God and lukewarmness, she skeptically states (7,22):
For to fall, there were many “friends” who helped me; (but to rise,) I found that I was so alone that I now wonder how it is possible that I did not remain at the bottom, and I praise God’s mercy, for it was only He who extended a (helping) hand to me.
However, this skepticism of hers must be taken with caution, as she emphasizes at the same place how much it benefited her to have the opportunity to talk about inner prayer with people who were more experienced than she was. We will mention this again later.
And after experiencing “affective liberation” (24,5), Teresa explains that she could no longer befriend worldly people:
(...) for I could never again close a friendship or have comfort or significant affection except with those persons whom I recognize as having (friendship, comfort, and love) also towards God and who strive to serve Him. Nor was it in my power to have deeper friendship with them. And it was not better even with relatives and friends. If I do not (recognize that the person lives in friendship with God) or it is not a person who practices prayer, it is a painful cross for me to interact with such a person. It is so, as I am absolutely convinced, without any exception.
And it would embarrass her when the source of temptation, which subtly seduced her to cling to fame, wealth, or pleasure, were precisely friends (39,18):
But from friends and relatives themselves, and – what surprises me the most – from very good people, I then felt so troubled (although they believed they were doing well!) that I did not know how to defend myself or what to do.
Teresa's Friendship with God
Now let us go through Teresa's Book of Life and notice how the qualities of friendship, which we have mentioned (without claiming perfection in their enumeration) from the perspective of thinkers – her contemporaries in the Czech environment, also show in Teresa's friendship with God. Let us cite some passages from The Book of Life.
1) Friendship means immediate contact
To speak of friendship with God was something very daring four centuries ago. Teresa lived in an environment of monarchy that placed a great emphasis on showing proper respect. Therefore, she addresses God: “Your Excellency” and considers it an offense to God (not just disobedience) when someone fails to fulfill His will. But at the same time, Teresa rejoices that God is not at all distant like earthly rulers (37,5):
“I can speak with Him as with a friend, even though He is Lord; for I understand that He is not like those whom we here (on earth) consider as lordships, for they establish their rule on artificial (displays) of authority,5 they have set times for conversations (with subjects) and designated people who may speak with them; and when a poor wretch has some matter to resolve, how much running and securing privileges and how much effort it costs him to discuss it with them! Oh, and what about when it is the king! Here, poor and unworthy people have no right to knock, but must ask those who are close to him.
(...) Oh, my Lord, oh, my King! (...) With You, it is possible to discuss everything and speak to You as we wish, as soon as we rid ourselves of the first astonishment and awe before Your Majesty, although we still retain a greater (awe) – namely that we do not offend You; but not out of fear of punishment, my Lord, for that means nothing compared to the possibility of losing You...”
2) Friendship means selfless love
The ways in which love and affection are manifested between friends are diverse. The fundamental meaning is sincere and active interest in the other. This is then associated with sharing pain, worries, enduring hardship, occasional gifts, and acts of help. Teresa is convinced that God shows His goodness to His friends in sufficient measure (11,12):
What would You not do, my Lord, what would not be for the greater good of the soul, when You know that it is already Yours and that it submits to Your power to follow You wherever, even to death on the cross (Phil 2,8), and that it is determined to help You bear it and not leave You alone with it? Who would see this determination in themselves, no, they have nothing to fear. Spiritual people have no reason to be disheartened. When one is at such a high level, as the desire to be alone with God and leave worldly amusements, the greatest part (of the work) has already been done. Praise the Lord for that and trust in His goodness, which has never lacked for His friends.
3) In friendship, faithfulness is a crucial value
And Teresa repeatedly mentions that Jesus is a good friend, who guides us, who is willing to sacrifice, helps, strengthens, and will always be faithful (22,6–7):
When such a good friend is present, when one has such a good captain who is first willing to suffer, everything can be endured. He helps and strengthens; he never fails; He is a true friend.
So, Your Grace, do not want another path, even if you are at the peak of contemplation; you go safely by this way. This Lord of ours is the one through whom all benefits come to us. (Heb 2,10; 2 Pet 1,4.) He will teach you. When you look at His life, you will see the best example. What more do we want from such a good friend by our side, who does not leave us (without help) in troubles and adversities caused by the people of the world? Blessed is the one who truly loves Him and has Him always with them.
(25,17) Oh, my Lord, how truly You are a friend; and how powerful You are, for when You will anything, You can do it and never cease to love, as long as those others only6 love you! May all things praise You, Lord of the entire world! Oh, who would be able to call upon the entire world to testify to how faithful You are to Your friends! All things will fail; You, Lord of them all, will never fail. Only a slight amount is what You allow that one who loves You to endure. Oh, my Lord, how gently and beautifully and pleasantly You deal with him!
4) Friendship allows revealing the secrets of one's heart to another
Teresa spent the first twenty years of her life in the convent in a way that she considered spiritually painfully lukewarm. When she later wrote about this, she was convinced that it would have helped her greatly if she had had someone to speak with about the state of her soul (7,20):
It is a great evil when the soul finds itself alone amid such dangers. It seems to me that had I had someone to talk with about all this, it would have helped me not to fall again, if only out of shame (before that person), when I no longer had it towards God.
Therefore, I would advise those who engage in prayer to, especially at the beginning, strive for friendship and contact with other people who engage in the same. This is an immensely important thing, even if it is nothing more than that they help each other with their prayers; much more so when there is much gain in it! And I (when it comes to conversations and ordinary human contacts, even those that are not very good), believe that friends strive to have someone with whom they can unwind and find even greater pleasure in their trivial delights by talking about them) do not understand why it should not be allowed for one who begins to truly love God and serve Him to converse with some persons about their joys and also pains, which – both – are common to everyone who engages in (inner) prayer.
For if there is friendship that one wants to have with His Majesty, let them not fear vanity; and if the first movement towards it is attacked, (may) they emerge from it with merit. I believe that whoever will speak of (inner prayer) with this intention will benefit themselves and those who listen to them. They will learn more; and without knowing how, will teach their friends.7
In the relationship with God during “mystical speaking,” as Teresa described it in The Book of Life, this spiritual sharing occurs without words (27,10):
Here God and the soul communicate solely based on the fact that His Majesty wants the soul to understand – without any other means through which they express to each other the love which these two friends show to each other. Just as here (on earth), when two people care deeply for each other and understand each other well, it seems that they understand each other even without external signs, just by looks.
5) Friendship leans towards unification
Teresa writes about this aspect of friendship just after she has “defined” prayer as a friendly meeting with God (8,5–7):
Inner prayer is, in my opinion, nothing other than friendly contact, frequent dwelling in solitude with the one whom we know loves us. And if you do not yet love Him (for to have true love and for friendship to last, it is necessary for mutual agreement of state to occur8 [of both friends]: The Lord's, of whom it is clear that He can never be in error, and our, which is full of faults, focused on sensory pleasures and ungrateful), then you will not be able to truly love Him, for He is different from your state. But when you see how valuable it is for you to have His friendship and how much He loves you, (then) you will endure the suffering of spending much time with someone who is so different from you.
Oh, the infinite goodness of my God! For it seems to me that (such a one) I see You and see myself like this! Oh, delight of angels, when I see this, I want to melt with love for You! How certain it is that You endure one who bears with You, that You are with him! Oh, how good a friend You are, my Lord, how You bestow gifts and endure and wait for him to reach Your state, while in the meantime You bear with (him)! You elevate, my Lord, those moments when He loves you and for the (mere) moment of his remorse You forget what he has offended you with.
I clearly saw this in myself and do not understand, my Creator, why the whole world does not strive to reach You through this special friendship: (for people) bad, who are not of Your state, You make good by bearing with them while You dwell among them, and this even if it were only for two hours a day and although they are not with You, but run back a thousand times to worldly cares and thoughts, as I did.9 And for this effort that they make to remain in such good company (You see that at first they cannot [achieve] more, even often not even later), You force, Lord, demons not to attack them, and day by day to lose strength against them, and You give strength to them to overcome (the demons). Yes, You do not destroy10 – Life of all lives! – none of those who trust in You and who want to have You as a friend, but You keep their bodily life in better health and give life (also to their) soul.
I do not understand why those who are afraid to start inner prayer should be afraid, nor do I know what they are afraid of.
God Appreciates Courage
Friendship is such a great value that we can feel unworthy of such a gift. Especially when our friend is excellent and various incidents repeatedly convict us of unreliability. Teresa experienced this in her friendship with God (19,10):
To see great manifestations of God's mercy, it is enough that (God) not just once, but many times forgave such ingratitude. Once for Saint Peter, and many times for me. So the demon rightfully tempted me not to claim such close friendship with Him, to whom I have shown such evident enmity.
How great was my blindness! Where did I think, my Lord, that I would find healing, if not in You? What folly it was to flee from the light, only to stumble repeatedly! What excessive humility the demon concocted in me: to separate me from the support of the pillar and from the staff that was to uphold me, so that I would fall so much! (Even now) I must cross myself,11 for I do not think I have gone through (other) such dangerous danger as this invention, which the demon taught me under the guise of humility.
He instilled in my mind that since I am so poor and have received so many graces, how could I draw near to (inner) prayer! That it is enough for me to recite prescribed prayers like all (other sisters); that – indeed even that I did not do well – how could I therefore want to do more; that it is a lack of respect on my part and a devaluation of God's graces.
It was good to think about this and understand it, but putting it into practice was a great evil. Blessed be You, Lord, for healing me from that!
Saint Teresa is not only an excellent teacher of inner prayer but also a determined proclaimer of courage for friendship with God. We will conclude our reflections with her words, in which she combines the encouragement to be courageous with humility. For she is convinced that God loves the courageous and humble, great trust in Him, and that He is a friend to such souls (13,2):
(We must) have great trust, for it is very necessary to not diminish desires, but to believe in God that if we strive, gradually, although it will not be immediately, we can attain what many saints (have attained) with His grace; for if they had never decided to desire that and gradually to realize it, they would not have ascended to such a noble state. His Majesty desires bold souls and is their friend as long as they walk in humility and without any trust in themselves; and I have never seen such (a bold soul) that remained below on this path; nor any cowardly soul, who under the guise of humility (even) after many years came to what those other (bold souls) reach in a short time.
I am alarmed at how much impact it has on this path when someone dares to undertake great things; although (such a) soul does not yet have great strength, still flies and achieves much! Even if – like a fledgling bird that cannot yet fly properly – it tires and needs to rest.
