After I experienced the deepest despair regarding my own strengths and abilities, I realized that I could no longer trust myself, so it was logical to transfer my trust to God. It was a grace that God had offered me my whole life, but which I never had the courage to accept in its fullness. I claimed that I trusted Him – and surely I did trust Him – but never to the extent of overlooking all other sources of possible strength and support and relying solely on His grace. I never got far enough to completely surrender. Until now, I had trusted Him and cooperated with His grace, but there were limits to it. Only after I found myself at the end of my strength was I able to completely surrender to God. It was not something I sought myself, something I longed for, something I worked towards, or something I felt I deserved. Like every other grace from God, this one was, in the truest sense, a gift: it was death and resurrection in one.
(Walter J. Ciszek SJ /1904–1984/, He Leads Me, Chapter 7)
